Toxic people may make an appearance in different stages of our lives and many times we may not be aware of them but their effects can drain you dry. Negative people are always drawn towards happier folks, if it’s just to get closer to some positivity. Unfortunately, they will bring us down with their poisonous personalities in the process.

We’ve all been there and done that – had a friend or even a partner who subtly wears away your confidence in yourself. If you find yourself bending over backward to please a person who never seems to be satisfied or are friends with a person who makes you question your self-worth- then it’s time to do some serious cleaning of your friend list. “It’s not you, it’s me”, we’ve heard that line before and if you’re continuously adjusting your schedule and behavior to fit into their life or always find yourself getting hurt, then you know what? Chances are it’s them and not you. So kick them to the curb.

Being able to identify these toxic characters is half the battle. Many times we live unaware of the negativity around us while it eats away at us, slowly chipping away. There are plenty of things that toxic people do that makes it easy to identify them to help you navigate around these trying relationships.

Toxic People And How To Deal With Them

1) They think the world revolves around them.

In other words, they’re plain and simply SELFISH. They’ll yap away for hours, oblivious to the fact that you haven’t got a word in edgeways. Most conversations you’ll have will be all about ‘ME, ME, ME’ and after a while, you may be so accustomed to it that you may not notice the pattern.

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It’s also not just about the conversation, although it is a big part of the communication between two individuals which makes it so important. They may not concern themselves about your welfare or ask how you’re doing. They’re so wrapped up in caring about how they feel or what they like, that you will slowly be manipulated to ensure that they get what they want.

This behavior manifests itself in both your professional and personal life. From the boss who demands late working hours, irrespective of your own needs or to the friend who demands your time and expects you to drop whatever you’re doing whenever they want you, you probably have encountered this toxic behavior before.

If you realize you know a person like this, you should try to cut ties or minimize contact with them and move on with your life.

2) They’re born drama kings and queens

Toxic people thrive on drama. They may seem pure unlucky, but many times, bad things happen due to carelessness or even attracting bad experiences simply for the sympathy and attention that comes later.

We all know that one friend who always seems to get the short end of the stick in every situation. But when it happens once too many times and you always see them in the middle of a sympathizing crowd, you’ll know that something is definitely not right. A scapegoat is always needed for all their problems, from missing the work deadline because they were not reminded or missed the train because their partner didn’t set the alarm to more. They always blame others for their mistakes. These kinds of people like playing the victim and honestly, you don’t need this kind of negativity.

3) Liars, Liars – their pants are always on fire

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It’s one thing to tell a small white lie to spare someone’s feelings about an ugly dress or if a dinner party doesn’t go to plan. The effort is put in and you don’t want to hurt that person’s feelings so you say you enjoyed the food and vice versa.

But if you find them misleading you, withholding information or are just lying straight to your face, then watch out. If a person gets too comfortable with lying, you’ll never be able to tell the truth from a lie and this could be toxic for any relationship. Toxic people twist the truth to serve their own purpose.

4) They will easily judge

Oh you know who I’m talking about. They’ll appear to say nice things, but you know what they really mean. Biting comments, sarcastic tones and abundant criticism from them will bring down your self-esteem. They take joy in cutting you down to size and to whittling down your confidence until you are nothing more than a shell.

We all make mistakes, after all, nobody is perfect – but toxic people will stand in judgment and will take swipes at you constantly. They’ll seem to do no wrong – they’re Mr. or Ms. Perfect but whatever you do will be brought under the magnifying glass.

5) The word ‘sorry’ is not in their vocabulary

They can never do wrong and as discussed earlier – it’s never their fault. They’ll have different versions of events to fit their own twisted story to point out how they were right. You don’t have to be wrong to apologize but if you find yourself constantly apologizing for things you didn’t do just to keep the other person happy, then it’s time on move on without them. If being right instead of being happy is more important, you know what you have to do.

6) They’re never there for you

Everyone needs a shoulder to cry on, a friend to laugh with and a person who is there for you when you need them. “Sorrow shared is sorrow halved and happiness shared is happiness doubled.”

If you find that you are constantly there for them and every time you need a friend, they seem to be unreachable, then something’s wrong. They don’t pick up your calls, take days to respond to messages or even send your calls to voicemail. This behavior makes you replay everything in your head and question your self-worth and does more damage than good. Take it as a sign and never call them again. You need someone who you can depend on.

Now, Where Do We Go From Here?

Okay, now you’ve identified the toxic person in your life, but how do you handle them? The last thing you want is to stoop down to their level, but you have to learn how to safeguard your own interests and protect yourself. Here are a few tips that may come in handy when dealing with these negative characters.

1. Honesty is the best policy: Don’t follow the adage an eye for an eye. If they lie, you shouldn’t go down that route as well. Set your own standards and live by them and other will also identify the toxic personalities on their own and believe you over any tall stories that may be concocted by toxic people.
2. Know yourself: Many times we always try to fit in with other groups or other people just to make them happy. When we behave like this, we end up being a doormat for toxic people who will use you for their own needs. Know yourself, know what is important to you and stick to your guns.
3. Be organized and have records of decisions made: It is very important to have written records in the workplace in case you have a toxic colleague or boss who seems to have it in for you. You are safeguarding your career from possible harm if you can back up with physical records of any conversations or decisions taken. This way, toxic people will know that you cannot be a scapegoat for their mistakes. Always have a follow up email to any meetings or decisions to prevent the liars from blaming you if anything goes wrong.
4. Keep your life private: Avoid sharing deep confidences to someone that you believe does not have your best interests at heart. If you think you are close to a person, tell them a small secret and see if it is shared with others or you hear others talking about you negatively because of that story. Avoid baring your inner soul and deepest darkest secrets to a toxic person because that knowledge could be used against you. Gossip haunts every work place or even personal spaces and it is best to keep secrets secret.
5. Save your positive energy for someone who deserves it: Being around negativity can wear you down. If you have a friend who constantly says negative things or is constantly being the victim, it’s time to make a change. Negativity is infectious and having negative people around you can affect your judgment of views on many things in life. If they always get dumped and moan about it constantly, or spend hours whining, make a clean break. Save your positive energy for people who make you feel better.
6. Stand your ground: Don’t give in to toxic people’s demands. For them, it will always be their way or the highway. Don’t give in to them. At All.

It only takes one toxic person in your life to do untold damage. This could be from your partner to your work colleague or even a family member. If you have toxic people around you who constantly bring you down and make the world look bleak, walk away. You will thank yourself down the line when you find yourself to be happier and more positive without them. Each relationship is different, but value your own time and energy. Assess your life, make the decision and don’t look back. Your life is waiting for you.

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“Just enough sense to stick with something – a chore, task, project – until it’s completed, pays off much better than idle intelligence, even if idle intelligence be of genius caliber. For stickability is 95 percent of ability.”
– David J. Schwartz

Do you fail to get the results you want in life? If so, don’t worry. This article is going to cover the likely causes of this. The primary reason you fail is your inability to stick to what you’re doing long enough to get it done.

Sounds too obvious? It’s very obvious intellectually, but knowing something isn’t the same as absorbing it. You’ll be amazed by the difference this seemingly obvious knowledge will make in your life once you come to truly understand it.

If you struggle with stick-to-itiveness, the upcoming 3 tips will help. If you stick to them long enough, they’ll yield incredible results in the coming years. Now for the 3 stickability tips!

How To Stick To Your Goals To Boost Your Results In Life

1. Stick to your most important goal

When it comes to goals, the fewer the better. I see people trying to run 2 or 3 small businesses at the same time or trying to make several major changes in their lives at once. This rarely works and tends to block major breakthroughs.

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The next time you’re tempted to take on more than you can handle, try one of the following:

• Identify your most important goal. This should be something you want to focus on for the next several months or years.
• Set a clear deadline and stick to it. Decide how long you’ll stick to your goal (three years, for example) and commit to that decision. Give yourself permission to move on ONLY if the following TWO requirements are met: 1. Your deadline has passed 2. You haven’t seen tangible results. If you’ve been at it for two years, tough it out until you hit the 3-year mark.
• Constantly refocus on your goal. We all get distracted. Whenever this happens, refocus on your main goal as soon as you can! You may have to do this repeatedly, and that’s okay. Train yourself to say no to things that aren’t related to your goal, no matter how exciting they are. Why? Because you’re working on your goal right now!
• Do something daily. Take at least one step towards your goal every day. When you feel down, tweak your routine and do something small. Do whatever you need to do to maintain momentum, no matter how tiny it is. Finally, always remind yourself that you have time. After all, the deadline is still far from today!

2. Stick to a course, book, etc. UNTIL you get the desired results.

Have you ever bought something that didn’t bring the results you expected? If so, did you ever consider that the problem wasn’t the content, but rather your lack of stickability?

There are thousands of life-changing courses, books, and programs out there. If you aren’t getting anything out of them, you might be having one of the following issues:

1. You aren’t fully committed. You don’t make a concerted effort to get as much value as you can from the material, nor do you apply what you learn in the course.
2. You lack faith in the program. You don’t really believe that the program will work for you, causing you to take limited action that leads to poor results.
3. You give up too soon. You give it a shot, but quit after a few setbacks.
4. You don’t go back to basics. When you fail to see results, you don’t consider revisiting the course material. This prevents you from discovering details or key insights you might have missed the first time.
5. You lack focus and patience. You’re taking too many courses at once and moving too fast. This makes it impossible to take effective action and absorb crucial information.

You should make a habit of squeezing every bit of value you can from the course. Otherwise, why bother taking it in the first place?

3. Stick to your habits ONCE AND FOR ALL

Most people’s New Year’s resolutions are unsuccessful. Does this happen to you? Have you already given up for this year? If so, you’re not alone. 92% of people who make New Year’s resolutions fail to stick to them.

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Habits are incredibly powerful because they compound over time. Stickability is far more important than intensity. It doesn’t matter how big you start, your ability to stick to your habit over time is what determines your success. If you start small but stay consistent, you’ll start seeing results over time.

Now, let’s take a look at 7 of the most powerful daily habits you can have. They all take 5 minutes or less, and you can start implementing them as soon as you finish this article!

#1 Setting daily goals

In my experience, setting goals each day will double your productivity. All you have to do is make a list of 3 to 5 tasks you want to accomplish for the day, and complete them in order of importance.

#2 Reading your goals

This is a powerful way to stay on track with your goals. You shouldn’t just read your goals, however, you should also ask yourself why they’re so important. It’s equally important to visualize your goals and how achieving them would feel.

#3 Meditating

Meditation provides a plethora of benefits that you can’t afford to miss. You can begin with just a few minutes a day. There are many ways to meditate, but it can be as simple as closing your eyes and focusing on your breath.

#4 Practicing gratitude

Forgetting to express gratitude is a major cause of unhappiness for many of us. We take everything for granted and don’t fully appreciate the little things in life (or even the big ones).
Take a few minutes every morning to consider some of the things you’re grateful for, whether it’s by saying them out loud or writing them down.

#5 Consuming motivational material

In the words of Zig Ziglar, “People often say that motivation doesn’t last. Well, neither does bathing – that’s why we recommend it daily.” No matter how exciting your goals are, you’re going to feel unmotivated at times. Feeding your mind with inspirational books or videos each day will help you maintain your motivation.

#6 Self-reflecting

Taking a few minutes to reflect upon your day is a very effective way to improve yourself. In fact, it will supercharge your growth. When you do it, consider asking yourself the following questions:

• What did I do well today?
• What could I have done better?
• What can I learn from today?
• What will I do differently in the future?

#7 Exercising daily

Getting some exercise each day is a great way to get happier, healthier, and more motivated, even if you’re just going for a walk or doing some stretching.

Okay, you now know 7 habits that will lead to unbreakable stickability. Are you ready to stretch your stickability muscles and start getting consistent results in your life? Leave a comment below and let me know what you’re going to stick to from today onwards!

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Have you ever believed something only to find out later it was not true?  Unfortunately, we often believe things about ourselves that simply are not true, and these limiting beliefs can hold us back from reaching our full potential.

4 Steps to Overcome Your Limiting Beliefs

A case in point is a belief I once had about myself growing up.  I had heard a number of times the question, ‘What’s wrong with you, are you stupid or something?”  So much so I began to believe there actually was something wrong with me and that I was not a smart person.  This impacted my decisions after high school.  I simply knew deep down that there was no way I could ever go to college; after all, I just wasn’t smart enough.

Instead, I enlisted in the Coast Guard. My plan was to do that until I retired.  However, along the way, I had a supervisor who saw something in me I did not see in myself.  He was working towards his bachelor’s degree and was taking tests for college credit.  Each time he would pass one he would show it to me, and tell me I should think about going to college and taking some of these tests too.  I thanked him but told him I just wasn’t college material. He kept after me to the point that I finally asked him if I took one of the tests, whether I passed or failed, would he leave me alone about college.  He agreed.  

I took one of the tests, and to my amazement, I passed it. This one event forever changed my life.  Shortly after that, I got out of the Coast Guard and went to college where I graduated cum laude.  I then went to law school, passed the bar in my home state and have been practicing law for the past sixteen years.

Recommended: 8 Habits To Enhance Your Mind Power

Thankfully, I had someone that pushed me towards overcoming my limiting beliefs.  As I looked back on that experience, I identified four steps that I went through to achieve my academic goals.  These four steps can be used to overcome any limiting belief you may have.

Identify the Limiting Belief

The first step is to identify the limiting belief that is not serving you.  A good way to start is to fill in the blanks to this question:  “I have always wanted to _____________, but I am unable too because I am _____________________.”  Perhaps you have always wanted to start your own business but think it’s too late, that you’re too old.  Maybe, you have a great idea for a book, but don’t pursue your dream because you believe you’re not a good writer.  Whatever it is that you want to do in your life, identify the beliefs that are keeping you from living the life you desire.

Challenge the Limiting Belief

The next step is to challenge the limiting belief.  Anthony Robbins in his book, Awaken the Giant Within, uses the metaphor of a belief being like a table top with legs.  The table top is the belief, and the legs are the facts used to support the belief.  However, often the legs we used to support a limiting belief are not factual, we just believe they are.  When we examine our so-called facts we find that we have blown them out of proportion and shaped them to form a false narrative.  When we begin to question these facts, the legs get cut out from underneath the table top, and the limiting belief begins to fall apart.

In my case, I had a number of experiences where I had done some dumb things.  However, upon closer examination, there were times I had done some smart things as well.  However, I had simply written those off as pure luck.  When my supervisor challenged me, and I passed that first test, I began to really question whether I had been lying to myself all those years.  My false narrative was being challenged.  I went on to take another test, and pass it, and then another. I began building and shaping new legs. What are the false facts you have been using to support your limiting belief?

Replace the Limiting Belief

Can the new legs support the old limiting belief?  No, because they simply are not compatible.  In this case, you will need to replace your old limiting belief with a new one.  Before May 6, 1954, the entire running world thought it was impossible for a person to run a four-minute mile.  However, on that date, Roger Bannister did the impossible and ran the mile in 3 minutes and 59.4 seconds.  The next year, there were people all over the world that were doing sub-four-minute miles, but they were beating Bannister’s time. How? They changed their limiting belief of one that they could not run a mile in less than 4 minutes, to a belief that they actually could.  For me, my belief became that I actually was smart enough to attend college, so much so that I believed I could go further and attend law school as well.  Two of the most powerful words in the world are I AM.  To form your new belief simply write out I AM ____________, and fill in the blank with new belief.

“Act As If” You Have Already Achieved

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Will your new belief take over night?  Probably not.  You have had your old limiting belief for so long it’s going to take time to build up those legs to support your new belief.  There is an old saying of “fake it till you make it”, but a more positive outlook would be to “Act as if” you have already achieved your new belief.  If you wanted to be a world class musician, how would that person act?  Or an athlete at the top of their game?  Perhaps your belief is you’re a great business person.  How would a great business person act?  Whatever your new belief is act as if you are already that person.  What would such a person do?  For me, a person who is good at college would attend class, study, seek help from professors.  So I did those things.  I acted as if though I was already that person.

As stated before, it’s not going to happen overnight.  However, following these four steps you will be well on your way to identifying your limiting beliefs, challenging them, installing new empowering beliefs, and acting as if you have already achieved your desired outcome.

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How To Be More Confident In All Areas Of Life

Confidence is one of those things I’m sure almost all of us have struggled with at some point in our lives.

Being confident and having ‘more self-confidence’ can help us achieve great things. Yet a lack of it can leave us playing a much smaller game than we’re capable of in all areas of life.

I’ve struggled with self-confidence my entire life and it’s held me back in many areas. In fact, it’s only a sign of my own recent personal growth that I can confidently, yet paradoxically, admit to having struggled with confidence.

My past is filled with moments of choosing not to put myself out there or go beyond my comfort zone. Whether it be progressing in sports, talking to girls or trying to be successful6 in business, my scarcity of self-confidence always seemed to be a huge obstacle in my way.

What is Confidence?

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After spending a large part of my life wishing to be one of ‘those people’ who ooze confidence at every turn, I came to the realization that I was thinking about it in a way that was serving me very poorly.

A huge mistake we make when thinking about confidence is seeing it as this ‘binary’ concept. We tend to think about people being confident in either a ‘you are or you aren’t’ way. But this is vastly oversimplifying things.

We all feel confident in some areas of our lives and lack confidence in others. I’m very confident in my ability to write, coach, produce a podcast, play soccer, drive a car and various other things. Yet if you asked me to fly an airplane, my confidence would come crashing back down to earth.

So the idea that we can either be ‘a confident person’ or ‘not a confident person’ in such a clear cut way becomes pretty nonsensical.

Action Comes First

What this means, then, is that we have somehow developed confidence in certain areas of our lives. We pick things up, do them repeatedly and eventually get to a point where we feel confident in doing them.

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The key aspect to pick out here is that the action comes first, not the confidence.

When we first learn to drive, most of us are not confident. In fact, most people I know were pretty terrified their first few times of getting behind the wheel on an actual road. But getting back in that driver’s seat time and time again allows us to keep building our confidence to a point where we end up jumping in the car without thinking twice about it.

We don’t sit at home waiting for confidence to suddenly appear. Just hoping that one day it’ll all sort itself out and we’ll just have the confidence of someone who’s been driving for 30 years injected into us.

And this rings true in any situation. Piloting an airplane seems monumentally daunting to anyone who’s never done it before. But, in essence, it’s no different than learning to drive a car. You learn how, practice and eventually become confident in your ability to do it.

It’s the action that comes first and enables us to keep building up that confidence.

Getting to the Root

Maybe that news of action coming first isn’t exactly groundbreaking to you. Even if you hadn’t consciously thought about it before, it might seem kind of obvious when brought to the forefront of the mind.

And it still leaves us in this ‘catch-22’ situation of needing to take action to build confidence, yet not having the confidence to take the action in the first place. It’s easier said than done, although not entirely ludicrous, to suggest conquering a lack of confidence in public speaking by just getting on stage and doing it.

The root, I believe, of all this that needs addressing comes back to our idea of self-worth. Or, more specifically, how we measure our own self-worth.

Driven by societal ideology, without really thinking about it we create this story in our heads about our self-worth being attached to how well we perform. As if we’re only worthy of being an upstanding member of the human race if we perform to some high standard in many, or even all, of the things we do.

Ironically, this strive for higher and higher performance actually creates poorer performance due to the sheer desperation to prove ourselves surrounded by it. And what’s more, poorer performance that’s potentially combined with a barrel load of anxiety and inner turmoil.

To put it simply, we lose confidence in something we want to do before we even begin due to the fear of negative judgment on our performance. We start off lacking confidence because we don’t have faith in our ability to do a particular thing and perform to some exceptional standard.

Your Existence is Your Worth

Don’t get me wrong; I’m not saying we should all just stop striving to achieve things in life. That we should all just sit back and not care about performing well in anything and everything we do.

But it’s powerful to understand that reaching higher levels of performance in many things in life can come from not tying our own self-worth to it.

When it comes down to it, each and every person reading this article is proving their own self-worth simply by being here. It’s in-built and not something we have to find elsewhere. In fact, our existence is proof that we are worthy of existing.

When we reframe it in this way, it becomes okay to maybe be at 50% one day or to struggle and not be any good at certain things. That this happening doesn’t somehow make you any less worthy of being a human or receiving whatever you desire in life.

Understanding this opens up space for us to just show up wholeheartedly each day. We let go of this exhausting desperation to prove our worth to ourselves and others through our performance in each and every little facet of life.

So we gain the self-assuredness to go out there and just… perform. Perform to the best we possibly can. And while knowing that how we do doesn’t somehow detract from our worth as a human being.

It’s a much more peaceful way of doing things.

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How To Choose The Right Business Mentor

Mentors have helped me see things differently about what I want to accomplish in lifeand how to go after it – both personally and professionally. I truly believe I would not have gotten this far were it not for my mentors.

I’ve discovered some criteria that determine if someone will make a good mentor for you. Here’s how:

Decide what you need from a mentor

In order to find the right mentor, I first had to know what I wanted out of the relationship. At different points in my life, those needs have changed.

For example, when I was younger, I needed a mentor to help me determine if I could become an entrepreneur (and how). Now that I am one, I have a mentor to help me continually assess where I’m at in life and what I could do differently to increase my productivity, balance, social good and personal wealth.

Start by generating a list of short-term and long-term career goals, and determine what skills and knowledge you will need to get there. Then, list what type of benefits you perceive a mentor could provide. Decide if expertise in a particular industry is a must, or if you are seeking general experience and knowledge that can serve you regardless of your career path.

This information will help you determine whether you want a mentor with experience and skills to guide you regardless of the industry, or if you want a mentor that specifically can help you grow within a certain business niche.

Ask the right questions

Asking the right questions can help you narrow down your list of potential mentors, because their answers will provide you with a sense of what they would be like to work with and what benefits they could offer. Here are a few that I ask:

• What other types of mentoring have you done?
• What are the most important characteristics of a mentor?
• How would you describe your leadership style?
• What special skills or knowledge do you have that could help me?
• How much time do you have to devote to mentoring?
• Can you describe a typical mentoring program to me?

Identify traits of a good mentor

There are key characteristics to look for in a mentor that have helped me get where I wanted to be. The unifying factor is that they are all tied to positivity and objectivity. They include:

• empathy
• consistency
• patience
• maturity
• honesty
• openness
• accessibility
• strength
• savviness
• effective communication

Meet with your prospective mentor to see if you can spot these characteristics in action.

Get input from others

While there is no Yelp “Mentor Edition,” I have asked others for input on certain people I was considering to mentor me. I’ve also had people approach me and ask my opinion on the subject.

Referrals really help to narrow down the selection, because you have proven mentorship experiences to use as a measuring stick for your own selection process.

Listen to how others explain a certain mentor. Then, get a few opinions and look for patterns in responses before deciding to work with a particular mentor.

Create a mentor partnership plan

The responses I get to my partnership plan tell me a lot about what it would be like to work with a particular mentor. Those that stand out the most are the ones that give me their honest feedback, including what they would change about the plan.

How they present their opinion tells me whether we would be compatible. They don’t have to agree with me — if anything, the best mentoring relationships are those where I was questioned about what I was proposing.

So, ask your potential mentors what they would change about the plan and why, and see if they have their own partnership plan they can share for comparison’s sake.

Don’t rush the process of finding a mentor, because you need to make sure it will work for the both of you. It may be good to set up a trial period after making your initial decision to test your intuition. If it doesn’t work out, keep some other candidates on the back burner to try out next.

This article has been edited.

Murray Newlands is an entrepreneur, investor, business advisor and a contributor at Forbes.com and Entrepreneur.com. He is the co-founder of Influence People. Connect with @MurrayNewlands on Twitter.

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How to Give People Advice

The only thing to do with good advice is pass it on. It is never any use to oneself. --Oscar Wilde

First of all, make sure that the person who is talking to you is actually soliciting advice. He or she may just want you to listen and be a good friend, seeking instead understanding, empathy, and compassion. Don't assume that everyone wants advice. You may have some insight into the problem(s),but you really need to listen attentively to a person first for a very long time to understand the situation. If, and only if, your friend actually ASKS for advice should you then furnish it.

It is a great honor to be asked for advice, but it is also a big responsibility. Good advice can help people make sound decisions or find the right path in life, while bad advice can have disastrous consequences. Fortunately, with a little forethought you can weed out the good from the

1.    Listen to the person asking you for advice. Every situation is unique, so never assume you know all you need to know about a problem. Listen carefully to the person who wants advice, and learn as much as possible about this situation. If you need clarification, ask questions. Being an active listener will not only help you give good advice, it will also increase the chances that the person will take your advice.

2.    Put yourself in the advisee's shoes. Try to imagine yourself in the other person's situation. If you've been in a similar situation, think about what you learned, but don't rely solely on your experiences to give advice--imagine that you are giving yourself advice for the unique circumstances that the other person is facing.

3.    Think about the consequences of taking your advice. While you're at it, think about the consequences of not taking your advice. If there's no significant difference between the results of those two scenarios, your advice might not be bad, but it's not useful either. Ditto if the action you advise is impossible. If you can envision the path you suggest leading to a worse result than an alternative path would, your advice probably is bad.

1. Take your time. When possible, think long and hard about all the possible courses of action and consider the pros and cons (or the benefits and costs) of each. This is especially important for more complex problems.
2. Think about both the short term and long term consequences of your advice. Very important decisions are usually very important because of their long term effects. Think as far down the road as possible.

4.    Empathize. Many matters require sensitivity and thoughtfulness. If you really try to put yourself in the other person's shoes (as suggested above), empathy will probably develop naturally. Even so, be very careful about how you word your advice and be sensitive to the other person's feelings and emotional state. Giving advice is more than a logical exercise. It usually involves helping a person sort through conflicting emotions as much as conflicting choices.

5.    Brainstorm with the person. Sometimes there is no clear-cut right answer to a problem. In this case, try to help the person mull over all the alternatives so that he or she can reach a conclusion together with you or on their own. Even for very simple questions, it can be beneficial to help the person develop his or her own advice, if only for the reason that he or she is more likely to take it.

6.    Be honest. If your advised course of action has potential drawbacks, tell the person about them. If you don't really feel qualified or knowledgeable enough about something to give advice on it, be honest about this fact. Your goal should not be to blindly lead the person, but rather to help him or her make a good decision, so don't act like a salesman.

7.    Set a good example. If you advise one thing but do the opposite, your advice will be seen as phony and hypocritical. If you do as you say, however, people will be more likely to respect your advice.

8.    Understand that the person may not take your advice. Just because someone asks for your advice, they are not obligated to take it. Realize that the other person almost always knows more about their particular situation and desires than you do, so you can never be sure that your advice is really the best for them. Understand that people will sometimes ask advice just in order to bounce ideas off of you, and don't be surprised if a person rejects even good advice and decides to make his or her own mistake. Live with it, and let the person live with his or her decision.

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